THE ACTUALLY PRETTY AMAZING: Parisian fashion house Ralph & Russo Couture made this part-leather-bodysuit, part-mega-embellished-skirt exclusively for Kim Kardashian, and it does certainly suit her personal style. Yes it does look like metal mesh over kinky undies, and I’d prefer it if the bra cup portion didn’t dip so low (it just looks painful and a bit like an underwire malfunction with that little bit sticking up in the middle) but I can’t help but actually love this. It’s very Kim. Very memorable. And actually very beautiful (just minus the ouchie looking bit).
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THE OVERCOOKED: Despite the fact it makes it look like her arm’s in a cast, this Zuhair Murad gown is very close to being a win on Rita Ora. The thing letting her down? Her hair … which, when staring at it in the picture to the left, just makes me hungry for a soft serve ice cream.
THE NOT QUITE: There’s revealing, and then there’s just ill-fitting … and this dress is so close to being a slam dunk, but overall it just looks a little sloppy. The satin seems to skim and stretch across Jessie J’s figure in all the wrong places, and she’s looking way too close to a double wardrobe malfunction (a slightly more tailored look and this could still be risque without being actively stress inducing).
THE NO: Here’s Cara Delevingne in Burberry Prosurm (she also has a bit of metal hanging out of her mouth. As you do). Lined well this navy lace would look amazing – very Spanish actress at an Italian film festival – but Cara D just looks like she’s taken her granny’s lace curtains, popped them in the wash with a black dye and thrown them on (while also borrowing nana’s knickers).
THE AGEING: This is certainly not Linsday Lohan’s worst look – but at the end of the day, minus the extreme Jolie-leg split, this Balmain boxy-torso-creating dress looks like it was brought to this earth with Joan Collins in mind. PS: It costs $7,000.
THE BEST WOMAN, WORST MAN: I don’t think I’ve ever disliked a suit jacket as much as I loathe Lewis Hamilton’s sheeny camo job (at least a Rod Stewart paisley is aware it’s hammy – this suit thinks it’s the cutting edge of cool). Meanwhile, Nicole Scherzinger looks amazing in a ruched Ermanna Scervino Resort 2015 gown (with her messy hair and dark manicure keeping the look from being saccharine).
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THE FINE: Pippa Middleton’s Hugo Boss dress is perfectly lovely (if a touch oppressive in the neckline area, and fussy with that froth of peach tulle) but the sister-to-a-Duchess has been let down by bad shoe choice, wearing heels that look close to corrective. (She needs to talk shoe game with her sister). PS: I love the idea of KimYe and a Middleton being at the same party. I hope they chatted about what happened on Coro this week or something.
THE JARRING: I wonder if Barbara Casasola designed this jumpsuit with a shirt in mind? If it’s meant to be officewear, I imagine so. Daisy Lowe looks amazing here (would you look at her waist?!) but cleavage from all angles seems a bit much for a daytime red carpet – at least wait till dusk.
THE GOOD: White textural lace does always remind me of those competitions where people have to craft an outfit out of toilet paper (granted, the designer that managed this out of Purex would be a bit of a savant). Yet, Ellie Goulding looks beautiful in this Ermanno Scervino dress while still managing to avoid looking like a bride (I think she pulls it off because she’s kept her hair and makeup unfussy).
THE BRIGHT: I’m going to chalk this Emilio Pucci down to a dress that doesn’t photograph well (the tiniest of wrinkles seem to be magnified, and the hem looks a bit shoddy). And, while looking a bit like a character from the 70s in a made-for-TV movie, I’m sure Natalie Dormer looked all kinds of fun in real life. Those bouncy curls are a definite win.